Solutions for Marital Problems
Hope for Your Marriage
Chapter One of the Book
Help for Relationship Blockers
John Eckenwiler has appeared twice on "The Balancing Act" on the Lifetime TV Network
John talks about his book and the 3 key elements to marital success
John answer's questions from the audience the 2nd.
HOW TO BE A GOOD MARRIAGE PARTNER
Achieving a great marriage that endures the test of time starts with you. When two people come together and bring with them the personal attributes required for resiliency, the marriage takes on those same characteristics.
On page 13 of the book, I share the following story about myself, "I blew out my knee several years ago and had to have knee ligament surgery. Like any major surgery, the afterward is pretty unbelievable. But the doctors wanted me rehabbing with the first twenty-four hours, starting with the smallest of tasks. During several months of this process I encountered many other people going through the same rehabilitation. It was amazing to me how many people refused to face the pain and consequently did not make much progress. Don't let that happen to your marriage."
Being a good marriage partner CAN be learned. But it's a lifelong process. Commit to it now and don't look back.
Marital Heart Meter
What kind of partner are you? This little quiz is designed to help you evaluate how much of the three core elements for a shatterproof marriage you have. The only way for this to be useful is to be painfully honest with yourself. Another way to take this quiz is to ask your partner to fill it out the way he or she sees YOU. The rest of the book, How to Shatterproof Your Marriage is devoted to showing you how to develop these core elements in your marriage.
HOW MUCH I THINK AND ACT THIS WAY
1 2 3 4
Usually like me Somewhat like me Somewhat unlike me Usually unlike me
_____ 1. I think there is opportunity in adversity and positive things can come from it.
_____ 2. I look at myself honestly on a daily basis to consider any changes I need to make.
_____ 3. I am good at knowing what my emotions are and am in control of them at all times.
_____ 4. I love with little thought to what I am going to get out of it.
_____ 5. I think of others before myself as a matter of habit in any kind of situation.
_____ 6. I make a conscious effort to consider the thoughts and feelings of others in all my interactions.
_____ 7. Having put thought into it, I know the difference between my wants and needs in my relationships.
_____ 8. When it really comes down to it, life owes me very little and I am truly entitled to very few things.
_____ 9. I am comfortable admitting when I am wrong and apologize.
_____ 10. I accept my partner fully, faults and all.
_____ 11. I am quick to compromise when it will solve a problem.
_____ 12. I take the time to do the things most people would rather not have to do, even if I get no recognition for it.
_____ 13. I am open and honest at all times with my partner, including my thoughts, intentions and feelings.
_____ 14. I want to know the truth about myself, measuring that against what God expects of me.
_____ 15. I have taken the time out to learn how God thinks and have worked at making that the way I think.
_____ 16. My life clearly reflects lots of time and energy invested in making my marriage everything it can be.
_____ 17. I know what it would take to make me want to give up with some things in my marriage and have found ways to keep
making a positive effort anyway.
_____ 18. I have learned to accept the things in life that I cannot change, and apply this in my marriage.
_____ 19. I give my partner the benefit of the doubt, even during the hardest of times.
_____ 20. Setbacks and failures in my marriage relationship do not alter my behavior significantly.
_____ TOTAL SCORE
Scoring
Add up your score for all the questions and put your total score above.
20-25 Exceptionally Tough Heart
Though not many, some situations will still be challenging. Those should be your focus. Few people have hearts this tough.
26-32 Strong Heart
You have mostly strengths. You could have one or two major weaknesses that lead to big relationship problems. You have a very good foundation from which to build. A minority of people have hearts this strong.
33-39 Average Heart
You have many definite strengths, but your heart needs to be strengthened considerably in key areas. Under the best of circumstances, you could go for a long time without serious problems. But with adversity, you will likely have a tough time navigating through it without contributing to the problem yourself. Your marriage has definite chinks in its armor and could be uprooted with certain challenges of life. The majority of people have these hearts.
40-48 Unconditioned Heart
Your heart has atrophied in at least a couple very important ways, leaving you with clear weaknesses that could result in disaster. You are not able to withstand the rigors of any major tests to the heart of your marriage. Your condition is urgent.
49-80 High Risk Heart
This range represents a serious condition that requires immediate, emergency attention. There are a large number of habits and
attitudes that must change for your marriage to have much chance of long-term success.
Some people might say, "You're scoring is too tough!" But think of the worst possible situations you could find yourself in, then ask yourself if you are at all vulnerable with a score any higher than a "1". The answer is clearly yes. There are very few people walking the planet who have exceptionally tough hearts.
Order the book "Shatterproof Your Marriage" Here!
Shatterproof your Marriage - What Makes Couples Want to Give Up and How to Prevent it.
a book John Eckenwiler, LMFT- Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor LMFC
Approved
Supervisor, AAMFT, a Member of the Colorado Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and
The
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
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© 2008 Shatterproof Your Marriage - John Eckenwiler, LMFT
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